The Wounding And Healing Of Men
© Francis Dunnery 2004
What separates the Men from the boys?
There is an "Internal Hero" that we as Men must discover and actualize if we are to be fulfilled in this life. Philosophers and psychologists refer to it as FIERCENESS, Inner Fire, Potency, The Masculine Principle or The Animus.
Do not mistake Fierceness for Male violence. Male violence is caused by a Mans reluctance or inability to express his Fierceness. Fierceness is a Natural and Healthy Male quality.
Women are extremely attracted to a Man's Fierceness. They are unconsciously sensitive to the strong Independent Warrior Archetype that ALL Men are born with.
When a woman enters a relationship she will most often (consciously or unconsciously) attempt to get the Man to give up his Fierceness. She knows how attractive it is to other women, for it was equally attractive to her.
By ALLOWING the Woman to choose his dress sense, wash his clothes and generally subdue the Warrior Archetype in him, the Man will swap the challenges of his life for the Maternal protection he is receiving from his Woman. He will put down his sword because he believes he is under the protection of his Mother once again. He will give up his life.
The Man seeks his Mothers softness in his wife or girlfriend but her price is his Fierceness. Men hand over their Fierceness in an attempt to guarantee a woman's nurturing. Instead of facing the challenges of their life these "Boymen" choose to stay by their Mothers side.
The Woman in turn protects him from the WOUNDING HE NEEDS in order to become a Man. Without this wounding, (separation from his Mother) the Man remains a boy.
With his Fierceness gone, his true identity lost and his life abandoned, he is now reduced to a child at his Mothers side. He is terrified of upsetting his " Protector" incase she withdraws her affection.
Once the Man has GIVEN his fierceness away, he then resents the woman for the power she has over him. He resents her in the same way that he resented his Mother and for the same reasons.
Once the woman has achieved psychological dominance over the Man, she withdraws her respect and treats him with the same disregard as a child. The Woman realizes that she has won the battle and this "Boyman" is not strong enough to protect her children or her home. He is of no use to her.
With his fierceness gone, the Woman then constantly reminds him that he is weak and ineffective and he cannot fulfill her dreams. He is a disappointment to her. She uses this disappointment to keep him as a child.
He has been demoted to the ranks of "idiot" or "fool" and the Masculine hobbies (competitive things such as Sport) that he shows interest in are ridiculed as stupid and shallow.
He is hopeless and rageful for he has failed HIMSELF.
The Human intellect may have come a long way in the time that we have been on the Earth but like it or not, WE ARE STILL ANIMALS and the Male is a Bull in a field of Cows.
Women would withdraw their affection if a Man told the truth about his Natural Urges for it would shake the foundation of the Woman's emotional needs.
The Man lies about his own biological animal nature in order to keep his female counterpart (which is basically his mother in another body) happy. If he can keep her ignorant to what he really thinks she will continue her role as his Mother.
The Story of Samson and Delilah explains the dynamics of this castration. Samson's source of strength was a secret. No one could take away his power (Fierceness) so they sent a woman to him. For the price of her affection, HE TOLD HER that the secret to his strength was in his hair.
He fell asleep in her arms and she cut off his hair. She used his secret against him and he became blind. With his great strength now gone he was at her mercy. This mythic story symbolizes the power that the Feminine has over the Masculine.
ALL MEN HAVE SECRETS AND IT'S IMPORTANT TO KEEP IT THAT WAY.
For her merchandise he traded in his prize
Both Men and Woman have Male and Female energies.
A Man's main energy is the Masculine and his Female or Feminine energy plays a secondary role.
A Woman's main energy is her Feminine and her Male or Masculine energy plays a secondary role.
Male energy in general, is for the purpose of discovery and change (masculine).
Female energy in general is for protecting what one already has (feminine).
Since Women are becoming more Masculine in today's society, they no longer use their feminine energy as their main energy. Therefore, Women's inner female is suffering because women are using their female in a secondary role.
Many would argue that the gender roles are equal. It's true that a Man is capable of nurturing a child. But it is also true but that a man will never be able to do so in the same way as a woman because SHE is naturally more intuitive and nurturing than HE. This is Natures way. Nature means Natural.
In exactly the same way, Men are more naturally suited for Masculine roles. By performing Masculine roles a Man has his energies properly placed. His primary energy is Masculine and his secondary energy is Feminine.
In contrast, the modern day western Woman's insistence on using her Masculinity as her main energy damages her Female and further degrades her sense of herself.
By insisting on Masculine roles, she's telling herself that the Female energy is of no value in today's society unless it is used in a secondary role.
When a man is two thirds masculine and one third feminine and a woman is two thirds feminine and one third masculine, its no wonder we all feel good when we meet a partner, for they make us whole.
Since Women have demoted their Female to a secondary role, what was once a partnership is now a competition.
And so it goes on and on and on and on........
© Francis Dunnery 2004
Wounding And Healing Of Men
.I have updated the Wounding and Healing of Men due to an extraordinary amount of e mails from women who seem very angry with me. I do need to say that although the great majority have come from women, I have also received a percentage from Men who are glad someone is finally telling THEIR story. I will attempt to clarify some of my points that I wrote on the original piece back in 2003 because obviously my writing wasn't clear enough.
I have received more mail on this subject than any other articles on my web site including Celtic and Rangers!
Before you go to the update, please read the following for it may help you understand what I am saying.
01. This is absolutely NOT against Women. If I was talking about a Tiger I wouldn't need to bring up the subject of Rabbits. As I am talking about Men, I don't need to bring up the subject of Women. Most of the e mails from women contain sentences along the lines of "Yes, but women also have needs, women can also lift heavy things, women also want to have sex , women also want etc. etc. etc. I am talking about Men! This is one of the biggest problems that Men have. It is impossible for us to talk about OUR NEEDS without being immediately confronted and shot down by angry females.
02. I didn't make this up. A lot of women seem to think that this is my opinion based on my own experience. This is a UNIVERSAL FACT based on the works of brilliant minds such as Socrates, Plato, Rumi, Freud, Jung, both Greek and Roman Mythology. If you don't want to accept it please don't blame me, I'm merely the mouthpiece.
03. It is psychologically damaging for a Woman to lose her Femininity just as it is psychologically damaging for a man to lose his Masculinity. I am NOT implying that Male energy is better or more valid than Female energy. in fact, quite the opposite. I am saying that both Male and Female energy has an equally important role to play in human consciousness.
04. All men lie to keep the female passive. I am not saying that Women don't lie. I am not saying that it's good to tell lies. I am saying that All men lie. Women do not know the secret world of Men. (Yes, I understand that Women also have a secret world but we are talking about Men)
05. I don't need to lie to women because I am a self sufficient Male actualizing my life. If women refuse their affection to me I can survive perfectly well. This piece wasn't written for women. It was written so Men could begin to understand what they have sacrificed.
I say one more time..........THIS IS NOT AGAINST WOMEN, IT IS FOR MEN.
f x x
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